Doubt

Being Ourselves Completely (inspired by Dan Haseltine and his article, “Your Whole Self)

Again, can I ask for a personal favor … can we stop calling Thomas, “Doubting Thomas,” the poor guy had some questions. How was he any different than the other ten disciples? Can we stop pushing our own insecurities on Thomas who was being himself completely in front of his friends and confidants? Every time we talk about Thomas as “Doubting” Thomas, I begin to think that there is something wrong

Here is where I need you to do me a favor, listen to the part we never read in depth in John 20:19-20, 24

That evening, on the first day of the week, the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! "Peace be with you," he said. [20] As he spoke, he held out his hands for them to see, and he showed them his side. They were filled with joy when they saw their Lord!

One of the disciples, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), was not with the others when Jesus came.

They were able to see his hands and his side. Was his side an open, gaping wound where the blood clotted and began to heal? Not sure. What we do know is the other ten disciples witnessed Jesus’ hands and side and not Thomas. They were privy to the experience. Have you ever thought, or at least wondered, “Jesus still had wounds on his body? What? How? Why?” Dwell it that moment while I will continue.

They had an experience. Thomas did not have an encounter with the living Jesus. Can you blame him for wanting the same experience? Jesus knew that the disciples had doubts and completely showed his wounds; they did not go down in history as “the Doubting Peter … the Doubting John.” No those guys are known for being called the Rock and the Beloved. So why are we so eager to label Thomas as “doubting” when according to John 20:24, his nickname was the “Twin?”

Thomas had the courage to admit openly what he was thinking and experiencing. Thomas was being himself completely. What is wrong with that? Doesn’t the weight of the gospel rest in the fact we have to be ourselves completely? Doesn’t the weight of the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection rest in our courage to admit openly what we are experiencing? God’s story of redemption is intertwined intimately with our story of “the darkness of our lives, those addictions to pornography, alcohol, drugs, power and control. It is in our propensity to blame and abuse each other, our greed and our depravity” (Dan Haseltine, “Your Whole Self,” Relevant Magazine – March/April 2006, p. 38). For God’s story of redemption to have any impact on our lives, we have to be ourselves completely. However because we have only spoken about “victory from these things, we are left only with the resurrection without the signs of the crucifixion” (Dan Haseltine). I believe that is the reason why the resurrected body of Jesus still showed the scars of the crucifixion. It is the weight of that Gospel where we recognize ourselves as the walking wounded and those who will eventually experience healing.

Thomas’ nickname is the Twin. Who is Thomas’ Twin? Why is he called the Twin? I believe that this is Jesus’ invitation to be Thomas’ Twin where we gain permission to have the same courage to be ourselves completely – to admit our doubts, struggles, wounds, and pain. Presently the church is not Thomas’ twin because we are not allowed to bring the full weight of who we are into our music, conversations, our pulpits, or our small groups. Until this changes, we will never engage our culture with authenticity and grace. Instead a greater chasm of difference will continue to grow. According to John 20, the solution is be Thomas’ twin – be ourselves completely.

Settling 2

One of my friends (Phil Barnes) suggested, "It is what it is" can mean only one thing: acceptance. It is an admission and realization of the true nature of the referred article "it." Believing yourself when you say these words can be harder than one might think and always leads to the next question, "do I choose to accept 'it?'"

Settling

On Valentine's Day at Acme getting last minute cards, flowers, and candy for some of the women in my life (Samantha, Chrissie, and Aunt Sue), the guy behind me in line and I started a conversation. Mostly I was complaining about how I waited to the last minute to do all of this and how I do not like that this took me very little thought and planning. Yes, I can be romantic. He responded with, "Yea, but we end up here again next year on Valentine's Day, buying gifts. It is what it is."

"It is what it is" is that the updated version of "its all good"? What does this mean: "it is what it is?" Is it an acceptance of reality, that I cannot change what is happening around me? Is it an acceptance that there are some things beyond my control? Of course, I do believe that most things are out of my control. However, it almost sounds to me a resignation, resigning to the fact that I cannot change anything around me, and I certainly cannot change myself. The guy behind me was a great guy because he was trying to encourage me, saying that it is not a big deal. Possibly if we extended our conversation, we discussed "what is a big deal," and where does he want to see change in his culture and maybe in his own life. Or maybe not because guys do not always like to talk, especially conversations that would cause introspection (which is another whole blog).

What does "it is what it is" mean? Is this my way, our way of being passive in the face of a difficult, hopeless situation? "It is what it is" signal helplessness, in the face of what may seem beyond my ability to resolve this situational problem. I am beginning to believe that this is no longer acceptable. Maybe, possibly, hopeless optimistic, through the Holy Spirit and definitely not on my own, I can begin to bring change the reality that needs change through justice, mercy, and grace. And, not settle for "it is what it is." I can't wait for "the world to change" as John Mayer sings. How will that happen? Unsure. Possibly, I will slow down and watch for that burning bush. But I still need to do something ... so I need to begin with my relationships in my community. I think that I have been hiding in my house long enough. I will probably move beyond the wave and the "hey." One of the 20 somethings in my neighbor wanted to get a beer, I need to take him up on that.

Story

Everyone has a story. Their story is a response to previous parental stories. Have you ever seen someone react to a situation? Or make an incomprehensible decision? Story. Reactions to life are a result of previous history of pain and grace. People have stories that wrap around pain, grace, anger, resentment, unconditional love, and forgiveness. I have to believe that our perspective have been effected by our story. What is our story? Is is compilation of smaller moments, chapters that leads to a greater story of our lives. I had a friend who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He endured and remained with us 10 months longer than anyone anticipated. No one could figure it out. What was keeping this man so motivated to live, to remain with his family, to go to work everyday? I did not know until I met his father, his dad. His dad came from a coal mining town in upstate Pennsylvania who lost his dad at a young age. Because of the high level of risk with coal mining business, his family wanted out of there. He went to live with family in Philadelphia. He grew up as a child of the depression. In his younger days, he was a very talented runner and could have made it to the Olympics; until he tore up his knee. He and his wife struggled for years financially but he never gave up. It seemed like every time something good came his way, something would disrupt it, or take it away. Any one of us would have seen it as a missed opportunity, to be lost forever. He would see it an opportunity to grow, gain momentum, strength to overcome. To overcome, to persevere no matter what despite the circumstances. He taught his boys how to encounter life in this way - to never give up, that faith and family were vital to overcome. In every way, he instilled in his boys a will to live, to live through everything. His son lived his life, that he would live until his body would give out. My friend's body did give out after he fought an unbelievable fight. His father's body finally gave out after he fought until the very end. End to a story, possibly. Possibly a beginning to another story, story of wholeness. This father's story became his son's way of living, response to every circumstance in life.
There is a story behind every one of our reactions. There is a story behind every person's reaction. I become less angry and resentful when I realize that everyone has a story - what has shaped their lives has been a series of events, that there is some life altering event that has shaped and changed their lives. So next time I become irate at someone for their selfish, or insensitive, or completely blind approach to life. I will say, or should say, "what happened? what has caused them to respond to life and others in this way" If I ask what happened, maybe that will be the beginning of change for them and for me.