Doubt

Being Ourselves Completely (inspired by Dan Haseltine and his article, “Your Whole Self)

Again, can I ask for a personal favor … can we stop calling Thomas, “Doubting Thomas,” the poor guy had some questions. How was he any different than the other ten disciples? Can we stop pushing our own insecurities on Thomas who was being himself completely in front of his friends and confidants? Every time we talk about Thomas as “Doubting” Thomas, I begin to think that there is something wrong

Here is where I need you to do me a favor, listen to the part we never read in depth in John 20:19-20, 24

That evening, on the first day of the week, the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly, Jesus was standing there among them! "Peace be with you," he said. [20] As he spoke, he held out his hands for them to see, and he showed them his side. They were filled with joy when they saw their Lord!

One of the disciples, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), was not with the others when Jesus came.

They were able to see his hands and his side. Was his side an open, gaping wound where the blood clotted and began to heal? Not sure. What we do know is the other ten disciples witnessed Jesus’ hands and side and not Thomas. They were privy to the experience. Have you ever thought, or at least wondered, “Jesus still had wounds on his body? What? How? Why?” Dwell it that moment while I will continue.

They had an experience. Thomas did not have an encounter with the living Jesus. Can you blame him for wanting the same experience? Jesus knew that the disciples had doubts and completely showed his wounds; they did not go down in history as “the Doubting Peter … the Doubting John.” No those guys are known for being called the Rock and the Beloved. So why are we so eager to label Thomas as “doubting” when according to John 20:24, his nickname was the “Twin?”

Thomas had the courage to admit openly what he was thinking and experiencing. Thomas was being himself completely. What is wrong with that? Doesn’t the weight of the gospel rest in the fact we have to be ourselves completely? Doesn’t the weight of the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection rest in our courage to admit openly what we are experiencing? God’s story of redemption is intertwined intimately with our story of “the darkness of our lives, those addictions to pornography, alcohol, drugs, power and control. It is in our propensity to blame and abuse each other, our greed and our depravity” (Dan Haseltine, “Your Whole Self,” Relevant Magazine – March/April 2006, p. 38). For God’s story of redemption to have any impact on our lives, we have to be ourselves completely. However because we have only spoken about “victory from these things, we are left only with the resurrection without the signs of the crucifixion” (Dan Haseltine). I believe that is the reason why the resurrected body of Jesus still showed the scars of the crucifixion. It is the weight of that Gospel where we recognize ourselves as the walking wounded and those who will eventually experience healing.

Thomas’ nickname is the Twin. Who is Thomas’ Twin? Why is he called the Twin? I believe that this is Jesus’ invitation to be Thomas’ Twin where we gain permission to have the same courage to be ourselves completely – to admit our doubts, struggles, wounds, and pain. Presently the church is not Thomas’ twin because we are not allowed to bring the full weight of who we are into our music, conversations, our pulpits, or our small groups. Until this changes, we will never engage our culture with authenticity and grace. Instead a greater chasm of difference will continue to grow. According to John 20, the solution is be Thomas’ twin – be ourselves completely.